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It’s supposed to complete you, to comfort you, to make each day more exciting. Future plans, dreamy ideas, one crazy experience followed closely by the next one. Love, in essence, isn’t a complicated beast. It’s simple and pure. It fits over and around us easily, it complements us in every facet of our lives. And that’s why we want it so deeply. It’s why we chase it so passionately. Because it breaks the mundane and makes us feel alive. Even when everything around us may be crumbling, love is always there. It’s our priority. At least it normally is.

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Sometimes though, we end up prioritizing something else. Love gets put in the backseat, told to shut up, we refuse to listen, turn up the music, and keep driving. Something else in our life becomes all consuming. Life seems complete already, you’re comforted by doing what you always dreamt of, every day is truly more exciting than the last. Future plans, dreamy ideas, crazy experiences – this is your life. It doesn’t seem like you need something intangible to gift you these circumstances. Your lifestyle gifts you them every day. But there’s an echo, a shadow of something missing. Surely life isn’t just about external moments, and wonderful, new experiences. Whilst they offer us so much happiness, perhaps true happiness is only known when shared. After all is said and done, what’s a beautiful sunset without another set of eyes to share it with. What’s a New Year’s in the Caribbean without someone to kiss? Yet another double-bed for a single you, it doesn’t quite add up. But marrying love and travel is easier said than done.

 

So we understand that we want to be free. We want to chase our dreams, explore every corner of the globe, soak up everything the world has to offer us. But we want to love too, and be loved, deeply. But we forego one for the other, at least partially. If we’re all-in for the lifestyle we’ve fought so hard for, can we truly be all-in for love too? And equally, if we’re all in for love, do we have enough left in the tank to be all-in for anything else? To commit to something so all-consuming costs us so much of ourselves, I’m not sure we have enough of us to do it twice, certainly not concurrently. So something’s gotta give. Something’s always gotta give. And this is our reality. Perhaps the selfishness of dream chasing, the focus of goal setting comes at a cost. Personal accomplishment doesn’t come without sacrifice, but at what price do we say that sacrifice is too much? Each individual can only answer that themselves.

 

So maybe we sacrifice the dream lifestyle, and we’re all-in with love. It’s so beautiful on paper, and we can hope to be one of the lucky ones. They do exist, somewhere out there. When it’s true and pure. When it’s full of honesty and it’s genuinely lasting. Beautiful. But if it’s not perfect, if it’s false or fraudulent. Where trust became distrust, and love becomes hate, where does that leave your expensive sacrifice. So we must choose the right one, easier said than done I know. Or perhaps first we get our lifestyle in order, perhaps that should always be step one.

 

 

So is that the answer? The solution? I don’t have a universal truth of course. If I did, I’d bottle it and sell it online for millions. For what it’s worth my personal take is that while we’re young I say we give everything we have to create the life we want, no one can take that from us. We earn it. Anything else and we run the danger of giving so much of ourselves to the wrong person, then we’re right back to square one. I’ve been guilty of both of these things on this 10 year journey of mine. Too dedicated to the lifestyle, and then too dedicated to love. Yet here I am with the life I wanted, I’m proud of it, and I’m happy to say I did it the hard way. But all the wasted effort on someone who wasn’t worth it, someone who let you down, someone who took all you had to give, but broke your trust, that hurts. But there’s a lesson there too, there always is and it’s something we should be grateful for. I’m happy I did it this way around, so here we go onwards, and upwards. The lifestyle is now in place, time to look for that elusive other thing.

 

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16 thoughts on “Travel, love and heartbreak

  1. Pingback: #travelgoals. My 2016 Recap - 30 countries, $200k+, 64 flights!
  2. So true… when we choose to go all in for love today we get disapproving looks from people who think that’s lack of ambition. If you do end up taking that risk but at the end of the day your partner doesn’t value your sacrifices, the feeling of being unappreciated is indescribable. So I decided to chose myself again and chase my dreams, slowly I am getting the feeling that it was better this way 🙂 Cheers to us as we go onwards and upwards – I like that!

    1. Sure, you can up your game like PUA artists and master the mechanics of seduction. But the thing I’ve learned from my own experiences and observing friends who ended up with their partners in crime is how it’s like the Zen koan – when you look, you won’t find.

      Years ago, my soccer coach taught us that you have to kick *through* the ball. What the heck does that mean?

      It frustrated the heck out of me. But, eventually I go it.

      As long as you focus on the thing you’re after, you’ll keep missing or something will be off.

      But, when we commit and do what we need to *be* someone who attracts the love of their life, or the successful person we want to be, that’s when who we’ll *become*.

  3. im new here…-:) so far so great interesting article you got
    Reading your article helps me a lot
    Like what u said life is too short… Enjoy
    take care

  4. This is well-said and a struggle for many. Each person must decide for themself, but my take is that the only thing that is permanent in life is your experiences. No one can take those away, so we must make experiences happen. People come and go, people disappoint us, and there are no guarantees in life. I say live the life you want and the rest comes. That said, I find that living the life I love in terms of traveling has proven to make dating difficult. It takes a special kind of person to be okay with your being away a lot, or to want to join in the fun. For those of us who think living the typical life of the 9-5 job with two weeks of vacation a year is boring, settling down with someone to explore love is a sacrifice. Life is too short, so the goal is to find someone who shares a similar outlook on life and who is up for an adventure.

  5. So beautifully written, truly touching. I am sorry that you had to feel pain and dissapointment, I can only hope you’ll find a greater love in the future. Keep doing what you do, you are such an inspiration for me.

  6. This was a great article and so true. It is about finding a balance which is a constant challenge and I think it is possible to have the best of both worlds. It’s just about finding that person that has the same like-mindedness.
    I appreciate you being open and real with your audience as life is not all roses and rainbows. Thank you for being an inspiration to myself and others to live their dreams.
    Never forget you are stronger than you think. Wish you the best in finding your balance and happiness.

    1. Hi Johnny,

      Thank you for sharing a beautiful text with us. I just want you to look at things differently. You are able to do something many of us can do. At least I can’t . So I’m living through your experiences until the day I can do them myself.
      Not long time ago I read this and I want you to think about it: “My biggest fear was ending up alone. I felt there was something inexplicably wrong with me, something that made it impossible for me to have a lasting, healthy relationship with someone. And this terrified me. I would spend nights in bed thinking about how lonely life would be. I was angry too, angry that this was the hand I had been dealt. I would have given anything for somebody to assure me what the future had in store for me. But I worked on myself every day. I learned how to love myself through the good, the bad and the ugly. I began to believe, deep down in my soul, that I was worthy of great love. That no matter what mistakes I had made or pain I had felt, I was still worthy of great love.”
      Bottom line is love will come eventually so for now focus on t incredible things you have and keep inspiring readers!

  7. Travel is a broader sense of love for life and it takes you to the same path as the rest who can fully understand the life you want. Life is after all one big travel and sometimes some people are just sharing a one way trip with us and some are there for the full trip. What matters is that you didn’t live a mediocre life thinking of what its.

  8. In my point of view, the problem is not the lifestyle. In any situation, to love and to have someone in our lives always implies a slice of sacrifice. It’s impossible to be the same person and keep the same desires and dreams for the future If you want to save a special place for someone, who also has dreams and expectation. So, it”s always difficult, there isn’t a magic formula. Be honest and say to each other how much we want to sacrifice or to give away can help.

  9. I’m sorry that that had happened.
    Sometimes, it just had to take one big drop to the bottom to propel us upwards again right?
    It’s sad, the whole of it.
    i’m not gonna say it’s well written coz it already is, but the heart behind the words must have been heavy as lead once. and i’m sorry that that period of life had to exist.
    pain is the darkness where light breaks in though…
    may you find that other half when it is the time for her to come.
    (good things take time.)
    and then all the journeys all the drams will be shared.
    there is always someone made as our other half,
    it just takes a lot of heart to test it.
    true heart will reveal itself, slowly but softly, and brightly.
    I agree. Living the dream and fighting that fight to get to where you are today is definitely ultimately all worth it.
    In Chinese culture, it is a deeply ingrained understanding that, without a solid foundation, we cannot build anything upon.
    So is love. so is the continuation of our dream.
    Likewise, without being the better self, we cannot deserve a better person that we dream of being in partnership with.
    But I dare guarantee
    that that partner exists, the one that is all forbearing, that is able to transcend selfish feelings and needs.
    That person will be love-represent. That person will be worth the dream.

    Take care and journey on.
    Fully support all that you been doing.
    So good and true, it is.

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