VICTIM COMPLEX: Susie in Spanish class is so lucky, she really does ‘have an ear for languages’. You know Tim from the second floor? He’s only getting promoted cos he’s mates with the managers. And I always knew that my parents favour my siblings.
REALITY: When you’re in the bar, Susie is learning the past progressive tense at home. Tim hasn’t left his desk before 8pm for the last two months, and your sister calls to check up on your elderly parents daily. Wake up.
It doesn’t have to be like this. Imagine a situation where you sleep well every night, stare at yourself proudly in the mirror, throw your shoulders back and walk tall. There should be no self -loathing involved, not in this lifetime. No ‘what ifs’ or ‘what coulda beens’. It’s your life, take ownership and know you’re being the best you can be.
Not everyone wants to travel the world indefinitely, I get that. Not everyone aspires to be rich, to own their own company, to drive a sports car. But one thing everyone should aspire to be is the best that they can be. That much is a given, so are you doing it?
What’s this jumped-up Irishman ranting about now? I’m talking about no half-ass efforts. I’m talking about fulfilling potential, grinding out the hard yards, knowing that you’re gonna work harder than the next guy. Accepting that talent and connections only take us so far, yet desire and determination can take us everywhere. Where’s your everywhere? Are you moving towards it?
The world is too keen to pin the blame on extenuating circumstances, the ‘victim complex’ is strangling our society. Rationalizing failure is a sure fire way to fail. That gets us nowhere. Understand the roles you play in your life, take ownership over your roles and your shortcomings. You know you could do a little more, so do a little more.
If this is resonating with you, check out my personal 3 step guide to being more successful:
The First Step: Acknowledge Your Roles
We first need to acknowledge what our current roles are in life. Ok, so you’re a brother/sister, son/daughter. You’re a marketing assistant/teacher/blogger/athlete. You’re taking Spanish classes/learning photography online/hitting the gym. Beautiful.
We all adopt a number of roles, don’t be defined by your job alone (INSERT A LINK) Take a second and acknowledge yours.
Me? I’m a traveler, blogger, boyfriend, son, uncle, brother, entrepreneur, language learner and gym-goer. And I wanna excel in all of them.
The Second Step: Ask the question
Look at your list, I’m hoping it’s a little longer than you had given yourself credit for.
*If the list is short, fix it. Life should be fulfilling. Take a course, be a couchsurfing host, intern in your dream job online. Swap nights in front of the TV for something that betters you, go outside, push yourself. It’ll change your life, I promise.
Now, when you look through that list ask yourself ‘Am I being the best that I can be’? Forget the excuses – “You don’t have time”, “you don’t have the money for it”, “Your family is too busy to chat to you” Block out all that defeatist sh*t. It’s negativity like that which keeps people down. Drop the victim complex. Everyone else isn’t just getting the breaks, you’re not unlucky, sod’s law doesn’t exist.
Every result, every failure and achievement, every conclusion is down to us and us alone. That is the reality. Ask yourself could you be doing better in the office, in the gym, in class, with your relationships. Be honest. So ask yourself if you could be doing more, be honest with yourself.
The Third Step: Make a Change and Promise Yourself
So you know your roles, you know where you could be doing more but there just aren’t enough hours in the day, right? Wrong. Despite believing you’re one of those people who ‘just need my 8 or 9 hours sleep per night’, you don’t. You’re sleeping your life away. Set your alarm an hour earlier. Be productive. Susie and Tim may still be sleeping, make sure you’re not.
If you’ve committed to something, give it everything. Being driven and motivated is addictive. Force it for a while and before you know it it’ll be second nature. Don’t make excuses, you merely rationalizing your potential failure. Be the source of inspiration for your loved ones.
Call your family to tell them you love them, buy your partner flowers, schedule a meeting with your boss to discuss the future, set aside a minimum of 30 mins a day for self-improvement (languages, exercise, non-fiction reading).
You can literally make the change today, you don’t even have to tell anyone. They’ll notice soon enough.