Getting from A to B shouldn’t be so difficult, nor should it cost double the real fare. Furthermore, if I want a tuk-tuk (which is unlikely), I’ll search for one. There are few things more infuriating in the world than getting harassed by drivers as you walk around, and there is nowhere worse for this than the Land of Smiles, Thailand.

Tuk tuk in Thailand
No thanks, no really i don't need a tuk tuk. Honestly I'm fine. No thank you. I SAID NO, P*SS OFF!

Ok so listen up Mr Tuk-tuk Driver:

1) If I need transport, you’ll see me asking for it. Don’t come near me on the off chance I might require your services. If I need you, I’ll ask you.

2) Just because of my white skin, please don’t feel the need to apply a ‘tourist tax’ onto every fare. I’d like to pay the going rate please (oh and printing out a piece of paper from a computer with ‘set fares’ doesn’t mean that they are set! It means you know how to operate Microsoft word – well done, but it doesn’t mean you can rip me off)

3) If I’m on your vehicle, I would like to reach my destination quickly, of course I would HOWEVER I’d prefer to arrive safely. I’d choose to arrive in 10 minutes and in one piece, than in 5 minutes as a broken man. It’s not a race, really.

4) If you see me crossing the road, don’t stop in front of me. I don’t want a tuk-tuk, I want to cross the f*cking road and you’re now in my way

5) Believe it or not I don’t want to stop at your brother’s suit shop, or your uncle’s gem store – it’s quite alright thanks, I just want to go to my destination.

Thanks for listening – adhere to this and you’ll make my , (and every other traveler in Thailand) , life a lot less hassle. Peace.

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