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As you guys know I love Asia, and I love my new ‘home’ Thailand – probably even more than my ‘old home’ Ireland, but nowhere is perfect. And although Thailand comes close, they’ve committed a cardinal sin and I’m not happy…

johnny ward hungover
A hangover like no other, Koh Phangan will do that to you. Now where’s my bacon sarnie?

So here you are, stonking hangover, woke up at midday, it’s now 2 oclock and you’ve gone straight to an irish bar/burger joint for a dirty hangover cure. Whether it’s a greasy fry-up, a heart-attack inducing cheese burger or a simple bacon sandwich, you’ve been dreaming about since you woke up and felt like someone had spent the night jumping on your forehead and p*ssing in your mouth.

Why did I drink that double redbull vodka at 5am just before I went home? No idea wotsoever, but I’m never drinking again, that’s for sure. Ermmm, right. Anyways, gimme that bacon sandwich please, lather it in delicious ketchup. Instant. Hangover. Cure. Unless you’re in Asia….

Asian Ketchup
Get off my food you dirty imposter 

What the f*ck is this sh*t. I thought I put tomato sauce on my sandwich/burger/fry up – not red f*cking syrup! AGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH.

 

I don’t know what’s going on in Asia, and Thailand in particular, when it comes to the most fundamental of savoury sauces but it seems like they’ve employed Willy Wonka to produce the stuff. It’s sweeter than 2 puppies hugging.

 

Seriously, I just wanna indulge in my disgusting western food, just this once, why do you do this to me? So I proceed to eat my bacon sandwich, although it tastes like it’s been fried in toffee and dipped in sugar thanks to this Asian ketchup imposter.

 

That instant hangover cure? The one we all perfected during our university days, the one get-out-of-jail-free card to kiss away that pounding headache and dodgy stomach. Leave the thought of that at the airport guys, it’s not happening in Asia.

 

Unfortunately/fortunately we still have one other foolproof cure, something to do with dogs and hair.

 

“Sir, would you like anything else with the sandwich”

“Um, yeah, I’ll have a double vodka redbull please, thanks”

 

Here we go again……

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17 thoughts on “Tuesday’s Travel Rant: Asian Ketchup

  1. I really hated that while living in Malaysia, as a joke my dad started sending me to go ketchup packets from fast food joints in the US. He sent them as a joke but I stored them in the fridge and always had a couple in my purse, diaper bag, glove compartment of my car. Girl needs some proper fancy ketchup!

  2. i visit your page everyday. someone like me learns so much from your website
    i am writing blog about my hometown.it is in Turkish. When i saw your blog,i start to write in English. i hope people like my first page
    http://kapadokyarehberi.info/ihlara-vadisine-nasil-gidilir/cappadocia-turkey/ my home town fairy land with fairy chimneys and rock formations used as a house,storeroom or hotel.I call it the flintstones, STILL PEOPLE LIVES IN A CAVE. Do you believe it?

  3. I have heard this a dozen times in Korea (where I live) but I actually cant tell the difference. I will put it on my to do list to bring back some ketchup when I pass by Miami next month.

  4. Your post made me laugh. I’ve not noticed the tomato ketchup being any different in Asia, although I know what you mean – when you just want to indulge in some western food but its just not the same. I had a similar experience in India. I went into Mcdonalds as I was fed up with curry, ordered a McChicken sandwich and what did they put on it…curry flavoured spread… SO DISAPPOINTED!

  5. Pure class mate. I miss the HP Sauce and Tomato Ketchup from the UK, and a good old Ulster Fry… well you can get it but you have to shop around and pay over the odds.

    Happy to see a MM and a TTR on successive days, good posts!

    1. i’ve been too busy focusing on money buddy, and not enough on onestep4ward.com – i promise to make amends from now on 🙂

  6. The Thai McDonalds has two kinds of Ketchup. One they call American ketchup and I think that one is not so sweet. So you could steal some from there 😉 As a backup 🙂

  7. Even more jarring: banana ketchup. Coloured red to look like tomato ketchup, the flavour just throws you for an Olympic-sized loop. Malaysia and the Philippines has this “treat” in my places, beware! “P

  8. Hilarious, especially describing the ketchup as being “sweeter than 2 puppies hugging.” Funny stuff.

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