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10 Reasons Why You Should Never Travel

You’ve thought about it, right? Hitting the road for an indefinite amount of time. Living the dream. You want people to live vicariously through you for a change.  But you’re scared, is it the right thing to do? It’s a bit reckless, surely? You might be right, so just to help you I thought I’d draw up 10 reasons why you should never travel:

Stuff To See Around The World Just Isn’t That Cool

Who needs to see a wonder of the world,? Who needs to see a cheetah chasing a gazelle in the plains of Africa while running the Serengeti Marathon? The thought of 10 days in Bali bores you when you have the inside of your cubicle to stare at all day, every day. Besides, when the office walls start to seem a little familiar, you can always go to the office kitchen again. It must be at least 48 hours since you’ve been in there.

You hate eating weird food

Pad Thai on the streets of Thailand during your Chiang Mai itinerary? Disgusting. Fresh sushi from the Tokyo fish market? Makes me sick. A 2kg steak in Buenos Aires? Pleeeeease, just stop it. Pot noodles for lunch every day and a Dominos pizza for your Friday night treat. Now that’s what you really want. Who needs all that foreign rubbish when you’re on first names term with the guy at the Deli counter in your local Wal-Mart.

Warmer weather makes you itch.

If the thought of lounging on a beach in 30-degree sunshine makes you want to run back to your home country, then this traveling malarkey is not for you. Grey, grim weather with single-digit temperatures. That’s where your true happiness lies, leave the nice weather to the locals.

Foreign Currencies Make Everything Sound Expensive

Ever since old Milton declared “there’s no such thing as a free lunch”, we’ve all been a very cynical bunch. So if the thought of a new tailored suit for $100, or a 3-course meal for $5 makes you skeptical then stay at home. The last thing you need to do is see how far your money can actually go. And anyway, $10 for a beer in your local isn’t so bad, is it?!

Friendliness makes you nervous. They Must Have An Ulterior Motive.

Friendliness, hospitality, warmth, generosity. If you travel you will be running a huge risk of experiencing all these things in abundance so be careful, very very careful. Stay at home and rejoice in the grumpiness, embrace the selfishness, who needs all those heartfelt smiles anyway?

You have more than enough friends already.

Whoever said ‘you can never have enough friends’ was clearly an idiot. You have your 2 friends, and that’s more than adequate. If you travel you’re liable to meet a lot of good people, probably a few friends for life, from all over the world, and we certainly don’t want that now do we.

You know everything you need to about the world.

Lucky you, because the more I travel the more I realize I know so so little. You would be constantly learning about new cultures, religions, parties, and festivals. So you know everything already, you don’t need to bother with traveling then, all these interesting cultures probably have nothing to add to your life.

You speak English and that’s more than enough.

Unless you’re very careful, you would probably pick up more than a few words in other languages if you were to travel or relocate somewhere else. Studying Thai in Bangkok, or Spanish in Colombia is BORING. So stay where you are and don’t risk diluting that already packed brain with a worthless second or third language. Waste of time really.

You just love your comfort zone.

Your life is already a nice, steady 6/10. why would you ever want to risk that?! For goodness sake what happens if you give traveling a go and you hate it?! You’d have to go home and you’d be right back where you started, having lost nothing. 6/10 is enough anyway, only idiots strive for more.

Being interesting just isn’t interesting.

You don’t want loads of awesome stories to tell when you get back – you’ve already got football, Game of Thrones, and America’s Got Talent re-runs to talk about, how would you even fit in conversation about anything else? Madness!

Ok, guys, if these 10 points apply to you then don’t dream of hitting the road – it could have disastrous consequences (new languages, friends, experiences) so be careful! Happy travels.